My brother's girlfriend
by Mornings Light
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke writes about the state of affairs that are leaving him disturbed. His brother's crazy girlfriend. Oneshot, Au.


_An assignment by Uchiha Sasuke_

_This was meant to be an assignment about the state of the world and what things disturb me, as a teenager, growing up in Japan. However, I am fairly confident that famine, poverty, earthquakes, thunder and tsunami's are preventable or at least manageable to some extent, unlike my brother's girlfriend._

_This has been the most disturbing summer of my life. Usually, I welcome summer, I can spend long moments in silent contemplation, cycle to places that haven't been ventured or spend the moments with my brother as we share our birthdays during June and July. However this summer, my brother finally accepted the confession of a clearly deluded and most disturbed individual, our neighbour and florist, Yamanaka Ino._

_At first, I thought it was a joke, because it has been over seven years that she has been pursuing my brother, with very little success. Her affliction to want to court my brother began seven summers ago, the moment she moved into the house opposite ours. I was apprehensive about her anyway, because at school, this girl had made her intentions to want to be with__me__. This isn't mere guesswork, that girl cannot conceal her emotions to save her life (or her ego) and it was hardly a secret when she would try to ambush me in corridors or ask me out during playtime. So that was why, I gave her a wide berth when she moved in. _

_Unfortunately, I could not protect my older brother from her wandering eyes and vicious grasp. Seven years is a long time for anyone to withstand someone with such a corrosive personality as hers and my cool, older brother has never really enjoyed disappointing her. Even though I assured him that he should put her out of his mind. But he hasn't managed to and just like a cancer that metastasises from one organ to another, she has managed to infiltrate his entire mind and body with thoughts of herself. All of those thoughts are trivial, because Yamanaka Ino is about as profound and as deep as a petri dish. Her thoughts usually drift from the 'hotness level' of an effeminate Korean star to the sales that hit the shops. There is no wisdom to be found in someone who wonders about romance each and every waking moment of their life and dresses to impress my brother, yet he has consciously made the decision to date her when he is of sound and reasonable state of mind. _

_Perhaps my accusations are unreasonable. I am fairly prejudiced because I generally don't trust the female gender. However, I can prove that she is a terrible match for my brother. My brother's girlfriend appears normal, she has long, blonde hair and blue eyes, almost considered exotic and rare in this country, so overall, she appears like a good catch and goes well with my brother- however, this is where the entire problem lies. Appearances are deceptive. My brother knows that and has always taught me as much, so I cannot begin to accept the conclusion that my brother actually fell for Yamanaka Ino on purely a superficial level. So that must mean that he accepted her offer because he accepted her personality. Now this conclusion is even more bizarre than the first one because even though Yamanaka Ino is desirable in the eyes of lesser men, her personality leaves much to be desired (even by the pickiest man!). She is shallow, temperamental, crazy and not to mention, one of the top contributors to noise pollution along with Uzumaki Naruto._

_Developing my point further about her craziness, I suppose it is necessary that I give everyone an example. I have various examples that could cover various pages. However, this is just an assignment and not a Ph.D thesis on the insanity of Yamanaka Ino. One such recent example, to highlight the levels of her disturbance, is when she partook in several jobs to pay for an outrageous trip to the Amazon Rainforest only because her favourite movie is Tarzan and she wants to re-enact the adventure. They have only been dating a week and she had already planned a trip abroad without any supervision. Naturally, my cousin and I stopped Itachi from committing the biggest mistake of his life by persuading him to come to Kyoto with us instead. Something educational and cultural, a lot more suited to his taste. Now this thought should have dampened her spirits, but not Yamanaka Ino. Who pretended to be the shrine maiden at Kiyomizu-dera and sipped sacred water with Itachi? Who pretended to actually make a fake screen door at the castle of Nijo-Jo just to pull him down into a secret passageway to exchange kisses? Who pretended to be a frilly, fake Geisha at the Gion district and ushered Itachi into watching her play the shamisen? Who pretended to be a food vendor at Nishiki market, re-selling nothing but rice that she had bought for the day? And who is the one that hired two host club girls to distract my cousin and I so that we were prevented from spending the day with Itachi?_

_But naturally… my brother's crazy girlfriend. _

_In conclusion, Yamanaka Ino is exhausting on good days and dangerous on bad days. I am petitioning my brother to get a restraining order against the girl but she has currently locked the doors of the computer lab and I have to wait until Naruto gets here to unlock it. He is taking far too long, which means that Yamanaka has already intercepted him and is on her way out to another date._

_This woman needs to be stopped._


End file.
